A Collection of Small People in a Town
"I'd rather step in shit than smoke it."
	              - Gary P. Nunn


When you slipped
into the toilet and I 
laughed, what I really meant
to say was, 
	"Watch out for alligators."


Black Turtleneck

I wear a black turtleneck
to cover up my torso,
and if I stick my neck out,
it covers that up too.


Hate poem for a Rainy Day

Reality doesn't like me.
Reality probably doesn't like you much either.
I know I don't.


Bugs

People mill about me.
They are annoying insects.
I hate them.


Prep

"Hey hey, buffy!"
A kneebiting jerk.


I Hate Childproof Lighters

Fucking push up this little dicky 
switch that more adults have
difficulty with than children just to
turn the steel and fail to get a 
flame I give it to my 
five year old niece who has readily
mastered the intricacies of the 
fail-safe bic to get a light
my hands are too thick
to get the damned shitter lit just
another effort to keep the free public
of the industrialized world from their
cancer sticks  Maybe I don't want
to live forfuckingever 
Mr. Surgeon General Sir.

Smokefree coffeeshops?  Whathefuck?
Asshole healthnuts,
	Give me a pair of pliers and
I'll rip the little fuckers out.



I think that if I were

I think that if I were
to put background ambient
music tracks behind my 
poetry, that I think if I were.


Pig

I'm a pig,
made of pork.
I suggest the left hindquarter.


Smile

I wore a smile yesterday.
Today I don't.
I haven't changed.


Virtue

Virtue is like an eggplant.
You get an egg.
You get a plant.
Bingo.


Test

"Test."
The artist has spoken.

Applause.



Plaid Sheep

Our magnum opus rang
the airy night, still to wonder
and burrowed for intention -
	As for its testament
to our being
        a wrinkled little blot
in the end a mark against us
        we hailed

Chaos implosions were a sell.



A Person I looked at and Hated

Some guy just walked into the restaurant.
I look at him a second,
and decide I hate him.
I have no reason to,
but because I've had a bad day
if feels good.


In Response to Matthew

All people are shitheads.
Some people are shittier heads than others.
Carl Sandburg is dead.


Yuppies

They smile and act enthused
with wide fake grins
hands clasped in anticipation,
Shit stuck between their teeth.


Love in Spite

I considered actually writing this poem
But the title was a clever pun.
And I refuse to write to clever titles.


Have a Nice Day

I frowned at the sidewalk
yesterday.

Then I frowned at a lamp post.
And I frowned at a tree,
I frowned hard at the tree,
Really hard.

But for you,
a smile
because I can't take you seriously.



A Reiterative Statement on the Condition of the State

Everything's going to hell,
		down
	the 
			pisser.
						Sloosh.




I'm Ronnie Hanson
Hear me roar when I wear my 
Magical shroom hat.




I wish I was whale feces
spread out
		all over
	the fucking water.



Inspiration

My lighter's ran out of fuel.
Funny


The Fly

Buzzed around my head
before landing on my leg.


Professor

The wispy clown head
stood shouting bullocks from the pulpit.
Caught the reflection off his balding plate
and sold it to the Iranians.

Students lounged about, bedraggled
and unconscious.
Wake them up?

One happy face for every empty seat.
A lecture hall half filled.
The staleness weighs in like a boxer

A fool and an overhead
will be the end of us all.


Instrumental Poem

Mmmmmmm, mmh!  mmmmmm, PaToyng!
Mmmaaaaammmmmmm,
Ooh! Ah! Ooh! Ah!
Mmmmmmmm oooooooo mmmmmm.
Nahaa\ga!tuk! ga!tuk! aga aga aga
Mmm.  Ah.  Hagawakaki!
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Nahaa\


by josh buermann © 1996