The Charge of Captain Dave

We went to Jamestown, Dobbert, Dave and I,
    To smash the competition and bring home the pie.
We boarded the bus, one dark dread morn,
    To tread deep Dakota, our hats we did adorn.
Through the dark, deserted land,
    We came to conquer, pencils in hand.
And in the night a scream rang out,
    "LET'S KICK SOME PYTHAGORASS!"  The Captain did shout.

	Fermat to the left of them,
	   Cramer to the right of them,
	and Fouier right before them,
	   they rained down upon Jamestown,
	In the charge of Captain Dave.

Calculators left behind, they had only paper and mind,
    How we longed for our T-85s, rather than put brain to grind,
We charged the test that fateful day,
    To outflank polynomials and keep pi at bay.
Through a variable geometric space,
    we saw our foes, face to face.
While in our sight the answer lay,
    "Its the anti-spam!"  We heard the Captain say.
		
	Labine to the left of him,
	   Pederson to the right of him,
	and Dobbert right before him,
	   He was inspiration struck-
	Use the force Captain Dave!

Our cerebellums pummelled, our belly's grumbled,
    Intoxicated with genius, our leader mumbled,
"Let's regroup and take it from the rear!"
    To solve it we thought it queer,
Such a sick and twisted problem,
    for the captain to try this theorem.
In whispered tones I heard behind,
    "Has the Captain lost his mind?"

	Sums to the left of him,
	   Series to the right of him,
	and scratch paper all around him,
	   He was running short on lead-
	"Use my pencil Captain Dave!"

The problem solved, said fear dissolved,
    We stood on the barren field, the battle absolved.
The Captain surveyed the dismal scene,
    His nostrils flared his senses keen,
All about him were lain both gory and slain`,
    "They can't all have my brains." the Captain explained. 
Bemidji taken, Jamestown too,
    We'll take it all at NDSU.

	The lame to our left,
	   the splayed to our right,
	And the trophy right before us,
	   Who'll do the honors?
	Lead us on Captain Dave!

And so we left Jamestown, Dobbert, Dave, and I, 
    While before us in fear Tippen and Bismark fly.
We boarded the bus in dim twilight, 
    having ended Jamestown's blight,
Snapping backs of Devil's Lake and Northshore,
    In senseless splendor and heartless gore.
On shoulders were the Captain and Treasurer bore,
    "Watch out or we'll come back for more!"

	Fermat to the left of them,
	   Cramer to the right of them,
	and Fouier right before them,
	   Detroit brought Jamestown down,
	In the charge of Captain Dave.



by josh buermann	© 2145 BC